i wonder what it's like to be an orphan..

"THE WILL OF GOD WILL NEVER TAKE YOU WHERE THE GRACE OF GOD WILL NOT PROTECT YOU."

I opened my e-mail this morning and read Don’s forwarded message. I don’t usually read forwards, and boy do I hate SPAM! But this wasn’t SPAM at all. It was a prayer, and a prayer I very much need right now.

It is difficult being the only “Christian” in your family.

I grew up in a traditional, conservative Catholic household. My parents, like their parents before them, were baptized into the Roman Catholic faith. It is a choice that has since been passed on to my brother and I, and in turn my nephews. My mother’s faith is quite admirable. Despite the many twists and turns of our widely unpredictable lives, she has remained rooted in her beliefs. I know I can never seek to change my mother.. But that doesn’t mean I’m not even going to bother trying. ;) My father, on the other hand, is more “progressive” in his beliefs. He believes religion is something personal between you and your God. Then again, tradition always gets the better of him.

For the past 2 weeks, I have been playing a vicious (and) religious tug-of-war with my parents. Although widely “liberal” when it comes to the life choices of their daughter, my decision for forgo the family “faith” in lieu of a more meaningful relationship with God is causing great conflict. It is hurtful to hear such "slander" from my own parents, and to have them look at you with contempt because you are not “perfect” and therefore have “no right” to consider yourself a Christian. (And if I were to revert back to my Catholic faith, would this give me license to be a worse person?)

I love my parents more than anything. I respect them and am grateful to everything they have done for me. But the fact is, I’m not a child any longer and that I am capable of making decisions on my own. If not now, when? They cannot keep living my life for me, nor can they condemn me for the mistakes I make. My decisions, my mistakes, are my own and I have none to blame but myself, and nothing to regret.

If there is anything I am to be thankful to God for this year, it was the restoration that He brought to my family. This past year has been the HAPPIEST in my life. I never felt more like part of a family, a family I would never trade for all the riches, comforts, and conveniences in the world. It saddens me that when all has been settled and healed, the very faith to which I accord this restoration to is now being attacked.

Do I not come visit when you ask? Do I not drop everything to be with you? Forget that I was unable to join you ONCE.. I try my best to make time for you. In all the years you’ve known me.. With my constant drive for independence, am I not most available to you NOW?

When I surrendered my life to God, I also gave my commitment to serve Him. I cannot, in good conscience, abandon that commitment at the drop of a hat just to please my parents. Not for something as trivial as lunch. And I did offer my Saturday and Monday to make up for not being able to spend time with them. I know that family is important, and that family matters, but I also know that GOD IS ABOVE ALL THINGS, family included.

This morning, I contemplated on returning the car. I still don’t know what to do about it. I know that what frustrates my parents more than anything is the fact that they can’t do anything about my decision. I am, after all, on my own. I don’t need their support, especially not their money. What I’m asking from my family isn’t anything superficial: love, understanding, acceptance. That’s all. I am not perfect, and I never will be, but with God’s grace I’m trying my best.

In my family, my father’s side especially, it is not unheard of to disown relatives because they changed religion. I knew that full well, and I am willing to accept the consequences of my decision. (Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. Psalm 27:10). The drift may be temporary, or permanent, but God’s got my back. :) I am confident that He’s teaching me something, equipping me for something I cannot yet understand.

Oh, well. This is an exciting time indeed.

____________________
One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
-Psalm 27:4

watersprite/water-sprite

During my sophomore year in high school, I remember watching the remake of Sabrina. I loved it SO MUCH, I dragged my parents to go see it again later in the evening. They were not impressed.

It’s been years since I last saw Sabrina, and yet the romance of the movie never fails to entrance me. Maybe it was her transformation, maybe it was the notion of finding love in the most unlikely of places. Or maybe it was the music. There’s also the John Milton poem she recites:

Sabrina fair
Listen where thou art sitting
Under the glassy, cool, translucent wave,
In twisted braids of lilies knitting
The loose train of thy amber-dropping hair;
Listen for dear honour's sake,
Goddess of the silver lake,
Listen and save.

I have always found the idea of a woman rescuing a man intriguing, pretty cool actually. Everyone knows we women are impatient. We also tend to take matters into our own hands. By nature, we are also nurturing – we have a natural instinct to care and protect those we love.

Gentle swain at thy request
I am here.

Do you ever notice how women tend to fall for “broken” men, men who need rescuing? Guys who are vulnerable, rebounding, sad? I remember watching an episode of House where the acerbic doctor quite frankly tells Cameron she wants to “fix” him because she sees him as damaged. The tendency is quite common. The sad thing is, after we have “mended,” nurtured, and cared for the object of our affection, many women are often left alone.

Sometimes, we tend to overdo it. This twisted sense of “bravado” is probably why lots of strong-willed women come across as ball-crushing, emasculating, and hella scary chicks. ;) “I don’t need anyone.” “I can take care of myself.” “Leave me alone.” Women are quick to rescue, but how open are we to BEING RESCUED?

Because the idea of coming through for another person seems so natural, we tend to forget that women often need rescuing as well. Why is the concept so difficult to grasp? There is nothing wrong with weakness, yet we look down on it as if it were the death of us.

SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY IT’S SO DIFFICULT TO JUST LET GO AND BE VULNERABLE?!?

So what happens when your broken object becomes “super-glued” and seems like new? We start to say things like.. “You’re no longer the person I fell in love with.. blah blah blah.” Uh, yeah.. To begin with, you didn’t even see him as a person. You saw him as a project. That’s separation anxiety, sweetie, not heartbreak. ;) This is the “water-sprite syndrome.” You think you’re drinking Sprite when you’re actually sipping water. It tastes funny, bland, and sooo not what you wanted.

I can’t begin to tell you how much of a perennial water-sprite victim I am. This is probably why I end up being friends with most of my “crushes.” Oh, these guys don’t disappoint me.. I just see them differently is all. I’m counting the guys I’ve crushed on in the last 10 years.. You know what? ALL of them are friends. Good ones, in fact.

I cannot wait for the day when I finally get to have my Sprite.





Thought for the Day:
“We can’t wait until we feel safe to love and invite.” - Captivating



 

joy for sadness

“I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is my right hand, I will not be shaken.” (Psalm16:8)

How timely that the topic I chose for cell group last Tuesday was about JOY. Yes, I admit I’m struggling. I’m going through something and it saddens me. Sadness, however, is not detrimental to joy because in moments of sadness we allow others to come through for us, and in sadness God reminds us that He alone is our strength.

I woke up again at 3am this morning, tired and anxious. So I popped in my headphones and listened to Still (Hillsong) and my “love song” for God, That’s All:

I can only give you love that lasts forever,

And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all,
That's all...

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter's night
That's all,
That's all.

There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love time can never destroy.

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore
That's all,
That's all.

Music can really soothe the soul. When Chai Lattes from Coffee Bean and Baba from Bizu are unavailable, a good song will more than suffice. :) I could fall asleep to this song anytime. It really makes a beautiful lullaby – imagining God is singing to you, knowing that He speaks this to you and loves you that way ALL THE TIME!

Greater is He who is in me than he who is in this world. :) 1 John 4:4

Tagaytay people (left to right): jose, joey, marj, moi, paul, jaybee, mayi, jas, chinkee, don :) 

this would be our 3rd attempt at being seated. we moved soon as the rain begain to pour.. :P 

Marj and her WAAAY CUTE nephew. For his birthday, he wished "Tita Marj would get a husband." How selfless is that?!? I wanted to take him home. His "what-ever" expression is too cute for words. And he sings! Maybe I should just wait for this kid to grow up. :P 

JayBee working his 'magic'.. on the crowd. ;) 

Paul and Don 

with Paul.. he gives the best hand massage. I fell asleep.zzzzz... 

JayBee.. His sleight of hand is amazing. How the heck does he do that?!?! 

crunch time.. 

the boys' team giving zooma a go.. 

girls against boys ;)

21 August 2006


I had really hoped that I would get to laze around in bed the whole day - today being a holiday and all, not to mention the fact I got home from Tagaytay at around 3:30am. But force of habit woke me up early. Despite being tired, I haven't felt this quite relaxed and refreshed in a looooong time.

Tagaytay had been my first "vacation" in almost a year.

Yep. Chiko-with-a-million-things-on-her-mind finally got to take a break! You'll never believe just how AWESOME it was.

Sunday started normal enough: woke up around 5:00, showered, dressed and headed to church.

Choir robe, check. Undershirt, check. Gown for the masquerade, check. Change of shoes, check. Change of clothes, check. Jacket, check. Cranium Turbo Edition, check.

Resisiting the desperate urge to pack a 'maleta,' I decided to stuff my clothes in a big paper bag instead because I knew, I REALLY KNEW, the boys (whoever ended up going) would get on my case if I brought a suitcase, no matter how tiny, to Tagaytay. Girls understand these things but men.. ;)

Marj had this brilliant idea - dinner in Tagaytay following the 5pm service as an outreach to people who were relatively new to church, in particular, a 'heartbroken' friend who needed to be surrounded by men of 'solid spiritual integrity.' :) After all, really, who wouldn't want to go to Tagaytay? Long weekend, hello!

The drive to Cliff House was freaky.. Marj saw a jeep fall into a ditch(?). When we slowed down and opened the window to see if they needed help, a loud and agry voice said "BUMALIK KAYO DITO!" Needless to say everyone was sufficiently freaked enough to drive away. In fairness, the boys were going to go down and help but there was something not quite right about the whole setup. Preaching pa talaga yesterday was on kindess, diba? Still, they were convinced something was fishy and you have to commend them for their insight and sense of safety. You gotta love these heroes. :)

What a interesting mix we were - Marj ('frustrated photographer'), Paul who really knows how to get around, Don (the newly hired strategic planner, naks), Jose (who listens to his iPod full blast for 8 hours a day.. tsk, tsk), JayBee - magician extraordinaire, Mayi the basketball-planning HR expert, Joey the 'celebrity' whom everyone seems to know, super tall and dainty Jas, we-thought-she-was-quiet-pero-di-pala Chinkee, and myself ('kikay for others', as Paul would say.. kainis! :P). Everyone was relatively a stranger to one another, save for the occasional fleeting introduction, and but we all left Tagaytay tired, sleepy and with new friendships built (as well as formidable gaming adversaries, ha!). Then again, if you don't become friends after 4 rounds of table-switching, endless rounds of the corniest knock-knock jokes, 80's music reminiscing and omigosh-I-can't-believe-you-did-that sleight of hand feats from JayBee.. ewan ko na!!

It's interesting to observe group dynamics in action, especially when it involves a highly-charged game such as Cranium. Yes. Boys versus girls. Can you feel the tension already!?

Sidenote: Now, there's nothing more I like refuting than a "ditzy" image. For example, people automatically assume there's little substance beneath my "kikay" exterior, so a game like Cranium is a great way to kill that stereotype. Those Data Head and Word Worm questions tend to get tricky after all. :)

It's funny because when I "challenged" Paul earlier in the car, I was kinda joking but sheer competitiveness won out eventually. What was frustrating for the boys, I think, was the fact they got stuck with all these girlie-girl questions which they couldn't answer while the girls got the more boy-oriented ones. You should have seen the smug looks on their faces when we got that Polygraph question on Michael Jordan! Or the question on original Batman TV villains. Or the one on LA Confidential. WOOHOO!! WOMEN ROCK!!

Oh, we TRIED to be nice.. and THAT effort failed. Miserably. :P No wonder the boys were getting frustrated!

It was really cute to see the boys' team sweat, squirm, and stress. Highlights were the Team Gnilleps where they had to spell 'sequin,' 'tiara' and 'rhinestone' backwards (hahaha), the Cameo where Jose had to be Little Red Riding Hood ("Headless Horseman!") and when Joey had to act out, during Club Cranium Cameo, the expression 'sitting pretty.' Hahahaha! They all were just so ADORABLE! In truth, they may have lost the game to us women but they won over our hearts. :)

Re-match, anyone? 

on crying, haircuts and how everything's just.. "de-lovely"

Just ended our staff meeting.

Before anything else, I need to explain that I NEVER CRY. I hate crying. It makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I used to have a problem with crying. Back during my “depression” days, it landed me a visit to the shrink because I had a hard time expressing myself. As in, if I were sad I’d smile. Happy, smile. Excited, smile. Miserable, smile. Think of smiling as my default expression. Nowadays, I just smile because the world is beautiful, life is beautiful, and because God is wonderful. :)

Why talk about crying? Well, this morning I woke up anxious. No idea why. I have no issues. Life has been so good. So I kept repeating the verse in my head – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will fill your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:16-18). Tama ba? I’m so weak at verses. I know them but it’s the verse number that gets me. ENLI class anyone? Anyway, so I got up earlier than usual then remembered that Kitty lent me her How To Discover Your Purpose booklet. I knew then and there that’s how I wanted to tackle our meeting for the week.

I began to cry. No, weep (as Reg so eloquently puts it).

It is embarrassing to have your staff witness all choked up with tears because you are just so.. OVERWHELMED. Yeah, that’s how I felt. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, nevermind that nearly everyone has NEVER seen me cry, nevermind that I was their “manager,” or that I had to be strong in their eyes. No, when God lets you cry you shouldn’t stop it. It’s a gift.

I cried because I shared something that happened yesterday, during Disruption Day with our agency, TBWA Santiago Puno Mangada. Grabe, Mr. Santiago is SOOO inspiring. I really learned A LOT from him! What was flattering was that he’d sit down with our group from time to time and say.. “Galing.” Eep. I cried because I always told my staff that while my time in Belo is limited, I knew I couldn’t bring myself to leave because I had a purpose still. And that purpose was fulfilled yesterday. Our group, the youngest team, authored our company’s VISION. He sat with our table during break, and he said something like “In all our years of Disruption, this is a first. The vision usually comes from the seniors.. but you guys came up with it. That in itself is a disruption.” I wanted to faint. Hello, Mr. Jimmy Santiago, advertising guru, was complimenting ME! Us! If anything, I will leave the company fulfilled because I did 2 things: achieved consistency in our creatives (Go, Belo Creatives! We fixed it! One logo, one look, one identity.) and I helped author our vision. Mr. Santiago was so inspiring kasi, when he was still giving instructions, I had a million ideas running through my head. Modesty aside, I finished my assignment in less than 5 minutes and my groupmates were impressed. We used what I wrote in creating our team’s proposed vision. Sigh.

I can leave Belo and not have any regrets now. I am fulfilled.

_____________
Cut my hair last night. It’s been something I’ve been mulling over for quite a while. Nica put things in perspective when she said “Mare, I know you love your long hair and you look good with it, but if you’re finding it too hard to even fix up in the morning that means you can’t maintain it. So cut it short.”

So after D-Day, I headed off to the salon (Ben Fix! Trust me, I’ve had my hair done everywhere from Toni & Guy to Emphasis.. They’re cheap but they’re GOOD!!) and just plunged into my new look. Ack. There is a certain vulnerability in having your hair cut. I never knew I had issues about letting go of my long hair.. Parang comfort zone na kasi.. I knew I looked nice in it if I blow-dried. But, you see, the implications go beyond just cutting your hair:

- You put your trust (and faith) in someone who’s pretty much a stranger.
- You let go of your past self. It’s kinda like dying to your old self so a new person can emerge.
- It’s a bitter pill that you have to swallow (if you’re not so adventurous) but you feel great after.

You see, I like to take control of my life. Which is why I’m independent. I didn’t HAVE to move out and be on my own but I WANTED to. I wanted to experience living alone (at least, with my roomie). I drive my own car (Thank you, Lord, for giving me a new one! Coming soon! Woohoo!). I don’t like hitching with people because it makes me feel dependent. I try as much as possible not to “mooch off” my parents because, let’s face it, I’m too old to be taken care of by them. I pay my own bills, and pretty much do as I please. So depending on someone and letting them come through for me is somewhat a risk I find myself usually unwilling to take.

God’s lesson for the week: ALLOW MYSELF TO BE VULNERABLE.

Eep.

________________
16 August 2006
9:31pm


De-Lovely is showing on Star Movies.

Sigh.

I remember watching this movie on DVD a little over a year ago, when I was confined due to infection for 5 miserable days. Such a BEAUTIFUL movie. It's not even cheesy in the song and dance kind of sense. (Hey, I LOVE big glittering Broadway numbers ha.) I love how it incorporates the music to the story seamlessly, like Rob Marshall's take on Chicago. Here are a few more reasons why this movie rocks:

1) It salutes the musical genius that is Cole Porter.

Long before my Stephen Sondheim phase, or my embarrassing Andrew Lloyd Webber fascination, there was Cole Porter.

When I was a little girl, I watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. You know that opening scene where Willie sings Anything Goes in Chinese? I was hooked! I bought a very expensive Broadway songbook because Anything Goes was in it and I wanted to play it on the piano. I was too much of a musical newbie to appreciate the other classics that were in it (ALW was my main background) and to my dismay I couldn't play the piece because it was too difficult. I've always had a problem playing anything ‘lilting.’ I make up for it with the ‘legato’ pieces. Hahaha. :P I have since lost the book but my love of Cole Porter has remained.

- Ella Fitzgerald has lovely renditions of Cole Porter's music. :) And Michael Crawford has a really beautiful version of In The Still Of The Night in his Songs from the Stage and Screen album. Imagine, a 7th-grader used to listen to that nightly!!!

- Everytime We Say Goodbye is in my list of all-time favorite songs. EVER. "There's no love song finer/ But how strange the change.. From major to minor" Hmmm. Must remember to have that played during my wedding

2) Lovely cameos abound.

Elvis Costello. Robbie Williams. Alanis Morissette. Sheryl Crow. That's just to name a few.

Elvis Costello is a genius. Robbie Williams has THE most wonderful swing album (Swing When You’re Winning, baby!). And, like who doesn't have a copy of Jagged Little Pill? Sheryl Crow singing Begin the Beguine? Natalie Cole doing Every Time We Say Goodbye? Hello! Oh, and any movie that features both John Barrowman and Mario Frangoulis can't fail. Gorgeous, gorgeous men whose singing can make any woman's heart melt.. Ay. :P

Oh, and Lara Fabian’s quite good too. (Broken Vow, anyone?)

3) Linda Porter.

"You don't have to love me the way I love you, Cole. Just love me." Words the "old Chiko" has said (and felt) time and again. Since knowing God, however, and knowing that in His perfect timing I am to be with the one who will love me the way I am supposed to be loved (never more than God).. *Sigh.*

What I'm saying is that I've been there. I WAS Linda. The movie is quite therapeutic, actually. :) A good reminder of how God has changed me, changed my life and I need never be afraid of falling in love ever again. :)

romancing the "stone" (better yet, the ice-maiden)

I traipsed to work this morning (traipsed pa talaga, diba?), enjoying my favorite breakfast food ever – taho. Hahaha. I happen to like simple things as well, you know, despite my obvious penchant for the extravagant. I also had a stupid grin plastered on my face. God knows why. :)

I LOVE taho. Seriously. I could eat it everyday. When I was studying in Ateneo, I HAD to have taho before taking a long exam, midterm or final. Brain food, I would call it. And it worked because I was thisclose to graduating with honors. Darn. Oh, well. Five semesters on the Dean’s List isn’t so bad, not to mention the fact I didn’t take them sissy classes either. Only person to get an A in Ched Reyes’ Philosophy of Man class. That MUST count for something.

I started to think about school, and how upon landing the Dean’s List the first time I had called my dad right away to tell him because I was sooo sure he’d be proud of me. And he was! Well, that got me to thinking about last night, about how my Father kept sending me His little “love notes.”

Any woman (or man) familiar with the book Captivating will recall a chapter on how, as the Lover of our Soul, God romances us too. This week, He’s been doing that more than usual.

Take Sunday, for example. I had the blessing of being asked to sing with the music team unexpectedly for the morning services, and somewhere during the song Here I Am To Worship I just got so.. kilig! I’m not kidding. Last week kasi I’ve been praying to God to keep me focused on Him because I feel slightly distracted by my crush (ugh!). Every morning, I’d wake up and say “God, You’re my First. I love You. You are above ALL things.” Anyway, somewhere in the worship, I just felt so overwhelmed by His love. It was.. AMAZING. And maybe it showed because Dianne texted me in the afternoon:

Dianne: Have a wonderful week ahead too! Oh by the way… I LOVED the way your hair was fixed this morning while singing! Hehe! Iba ha… Yeehee.

So, yeah, God’s been romancing me. Affirming me in my desire to put Him above everything (and anyone) else.

Which brings me back to last night.

I’ve never really had much confidence in myself, especially when it comes to doing “church-y” things. Like in cell group. As I told Michelle last night, “I am the LAST person who you'd imagine sitting here!” Not because I didn’t want to be there but because I used to be REALLY, umm, angsty(?). Basta. So, in a way, I felt un-worthy to lead because I didn’t feel credible. But that’s a LIE.

I was texting with Kitty last night after cell (she had vertigo and couldn’t attend) and she told me this:

Kitty: Wow great! Am so glad :-) Thanks also for filling in. Linny and I think you’re a good cell leader na. :-)
Chiko: Omigosh. Thank you for that. That really means a lot. :) I appreciate the trust and confidence. Thank you!
Kitty: God uses all of us naman e :-) Coz bottom line is He’s the one who touches their hearts. Anyway, all we have to be is available for Him to speak thru :-) You’re more than ready Chiko :-) Great job.

So many other things happened last night but the message I got from God is this: Everything will be alright. He is pleased.

Unlike with our earthly fathers, we don't have to do anything to win God's affection. (Not that I have to do anything to win my dad's approval, but you get the point..) He just LOVES us. Simple as that.

Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 17:8)

*Sigh.*

___________________
On another note, I am compelled to post this morning’s super enjoyable conversation with my Reg:

Chiko says: want to know something funny?
Red.Writes... shooting says: o?
Chiko says: i've been attending victory for almost 3 years now (can you believe) and it's funny because it took forever for me to commit. even when i attended victory weekend na.. i was never vocal about my christianity. linny really had a headache trying to get me to even attend service. but this year.. grabe. i'm so grateful that i attended the service during volunteer weekend. if linny hadn't been sitting next to me, urging me to try out for music ministry.. i don't know if i'd be like this today.. i'm so amazed at God's destiny for me.. yun lang..
Red.Writes... shooting says: isn't he the most amazing???
Chiko says: AY, SUPER. sometimes i feel so overwhelmed..
HAHAHA. can you believe this is me talking! parang alien!!!
Red.Writes... shooting says: hahaha. i'm soooooo happy for you chich... really. Galing talaga ni God.
Chiko says: hahaha. He's really wonderful.
Red.Writes... shooting says: i'm so glad that God changed my heart... and he's still changing me. and it's sooooo amazing.
Chiko says: we are constantly being renewed.. and i see it in you. honestly.. that's why i'm so thankful to franco because i've never seen you so focused. or at peace. you have much to be proud of
Red.Writes... shooting says: maybe that's why i don't fight you anymore. hahaha
Chiko says: hahaha. maybe
Red.Writes... shooting says: and maybe that's why you don't fight me anymore too.
Chiko says: linny once told me that sometimes when people are destined to do great things together they're sometimes intentionally pushed apart so they can't accomplish them. maybe we're meant to do wonderful things together now
Red.Writes... shooting says: i think so too. like what?
Chiko says: you'll direct the adaptation of my book. Hahaha. you know i'm writing one, right
Red.Writes... shooting says: the one you're writing now??? YES
Chiko says: hahaha
Red.Writes... shooting says: that's something to look forward to!
Chiko says: awww.. reg..
Red.Writes... shooting says: what if quark asks for it?
Chiko says: nah.. it's yours. it's beyond his capabilities. he won't see the heart behind it
Red.Writes... shooting says: hahaha. i want to read the final draft before it gets published.
Chiko says: hahaha. it'll be finished the day before my wedding. that's how it ends. so it's a work in progress. God knows when it'll be done
Red.Writes... shooting says: oh no... i'm scared that might be sooner than i think.
Chiko says: hahaha. nothing to worry about, sweetie!!
Red.Writes... shooting says: where are you sending it for publishing?
Chiko says: no idea.. if not, i'll publish it myself
Red.Writes... shooting says: i pray it will be a best seller.
Chiko says: i'm grateful that God has gotten me well-connected though. it's pretty much just my testimony, sweetie
Red.Writes... shooting says: what is it... like a memoir? an autobiography?
Chiko says: no, it's semi-fictional
Red.Writes... shooting says: title?
Chiko says: i'm reading passion and purity by elisabeth elliott now.. so it's sorta like that it's my way of glorifying God while i "wait" i'm deciding on: adventures in singlehood
Red.Writes... shooting says: ah...
Chiko says: chronicles of a young woman's journey into love. something to that effect. i don't really have one yet.. but the theme is waiting and how God renews us, and eventually brings us to where we are supposed to be
Red.Writes... shooting says: I LIKE IT ALREADY.
Chiko says: really? that means a lot to me.. of course, being chiko.. it has to be a little wacky and quirky. pretty much my life now. bwahahaha.
Red.Writes... shooting says: remember that conversation we had about you trying to be different because you don't want it to be ordinary?
Chiko says: hahaha. yeah.. that really "upset" you.. got you all, um, frustrated
Red.Writes... shooting says: HAHAHAHAHA. is that in the book?
Chiko says: haven't written that part yet.. probably will. a fictionalized version of you will be in it.. largely edited. i want to be fair to all my "boys". but you'll all know who you are. but everyone else won't have a clue!
Red.Writes... shooting says: HAHAHAHA. i can't wait to read it.
Chiko says: awww.. not till i get married. you can read the draft though
Red.Writes... shooting says: so is the book gonna be done on the wedding day? or after? drafts are welcome.
Chiko says: hahaha. i planned it in such a way that my final entry is to be written the day of my wedding. but of course that will have to be edited. so i guess while i'm on honeymoon, you can go over the draft
Red.Writes... shooting says: HAHAHAHAHA. i'm finding you really funny now.
Chiko says: eh? why?
Red.Writes... shooting says: i don't know. funny in a good way.
Chiko says: hahaha. you mean the whole "marriage" thing believe me.. it's something i'm embarrassed about because i've been against it for so long.. but God really put that desire in my heart eh.. ack. chiko is a pod-person!!
Red.Writes... shooting says: no it's not about that... i don't know why but i'm just really enjoying this whole conversation
Chiko says: hahaha

WAAAH. I want a puppy!! I think it's totally UNFAIR that condos (mine at least) won't allow them. Sniffle, sniffle! I miss my Ewok (the Shih Tzu), even Figaro (the yappiest Pekingese ever). I WANT ONE I WANT ONE I WANT ONE!!!  

what a CUTIE!!!  

sniffling sucker auntie

Ugh. I caught a COLD.

My sickness knows no bounds: fever, flu, post-nasal drip, infection due to growing wisdom teeth, asthma.. Hmph. I am a walking virus with my own mobile pharmacy.

I'm actually quite well, truth be told, just that this weather is not making recuperation any easier. Not to mention the stupid airconditioner that is blowing right at my back. I look like Paddington (freakin') Bear! That's right. With the overcoat and fisherman's hat (because I'm too lazy to dry my hair in the morning). Not yellow and blue though. :P

The SUCKIEST thing about ‘emanating germs’ is that I can’t play with my nephew. Grr.. And he’s soooo darn cute! You should see how he smiles when he sees his “sucker auntie.” I saw him a bit this morning before heading for work and I know it’s bad but I couldn’t resist picking him up!! (If my mom found out, she’ll throw a fit!) So so so cute! And he was smiling and cooing at me!!!

Ack. See the picture above if you don’t believe me. He’s WAY cuter than those Gerber babies!! (In the words of my pedia: "Look at auntie! She’s more excited than mommy and daddy. You should have one." Uh.. Yeah. Okay. :P) 

hilarious.

EXTREMELY entertaining article on masculinity and the trend of "retro-sexuality." Hahahaha.

___________________

So ‘real men’ don’t cry any more? Give me strength …
Ron Ferguson
The Herald (UK)
August 14 2006


Oh, dear. It seems that the role of real men is changing yet again.

We are apparently at the beginning of what is called the "Menaissance", which features new/old definitions of masculinity. The movement has begun in the US, and we already know that when America sneezes, Britain catches a cold. Menaissance will soon be showing at a pub or street corner near you.

This is a long evolutionary story. Here's the short version. In the early days, man leaves cave to kill wild beast and drag it back to hoose, where perpetually-pregnant bidie-in already has pot bubbling in anticipation. The man's role as hunter-gatherer is clear and unambiguous; no social skills are required. The caveman needs strength and speed, but he is certainly not required to emote or to slap on moisturiser. Despite his repellent breath and steaming oxters, he has a clear role in the procreative process and it does not involve asking, "How was it for you, darling?"

Variations on the "Me Tarzan, you Jane" paradigm lasted well into the twentieth century. When I was growing up, a mildly reconstructed version was still the order of the day. In order to take my place in the proper order of things, I, a skinny, stunted boy who would have been lunch for any wild beast rather than the other way about, embarked on a Charles Atlas course. (Remember the slogan, "Don't let anyone kick sand in your face"?) The exercises and supplements failed to make mountains of out muscular molehills and I remained stubbornly insignificant - until I suddenly expanded and developed the magnificent physique which still causes tourists to gasp in Orkney. I also developed such profusion of body hair - including beard and shoulder-length mane - that even gorillas were afraid. When out walking without clothes, I looked like Birnham wood marching on Dunsinane.

Then came the feminist revolution. Caveman was made redundant. Women, for some reason, no longer wanted to be stuck in the house with wailing weans. They demanded careers, equal pay, and - if they wanted a male around the place at all - a man who didn't spend his time scratching his rear and grunting. It was all very confusing for males. Ever ready to respond to the zeitgeist, I shaved off my beard, cut my hair and put lashings of moisturiser on my face. It worked. You would never guess that I am 102 years old. I became a gentle new man, managing to emote in full sentences. I learned to wash dishes and write poetry.

Then more bewilderment. An edict from the women's collective said that they didn't want men to open doors for them, or to walk next the road to protect against splashes from horse-drawn carriages, or to stand up for them on a bus. These things were deemed to be patronising and demeaning. But just when I had finally managed to repress my conditioned impulses to offer up my bus seat to every living creature equipped with anything remotely resembling a cleavage, a fresh edict was issued just last year saying that, no, most women actually quite liked to have men acting in such old-fashioned, chivalrous ways. Aaargh. Darkened room time.

Next came metrosexuals, with super-gelled hair and androgynous clothes. Orkney doesn't really do metrosexuality - it's something to do with living on farms - but I did my bit by taking off the boiler suit and putting on Calvin Klein boxer shorts when venturing into Kirkwall.

And now, God help us, the Menaissance. What's this all about? Well, it's a reaction against the gentle, concerned male with the moisturiser and the pink sweaters. It's back to machismo manhood and fearsome jumping on your mate's bones. Carnivorous caveman is back. We're talking retrosexual here. A bible of the new movement is Jim Belushi's Real Men Don't Apologise. It's all about unreconstructed masculinity advocated by men (and some women who have tired of emo-boys with Kleenexes) who believe that males have been emasculated in the course of the gender wars. The new/old battle cry is for masculine assertiveness, bravery and a willingness to beard the psychological wild beasts in their lairs. At its best it's about dignity and manliness, at its worst it's about beer bellies, flatulence and "spontaneous" (ie drink-fuelled) bad behaviour. Attractive and exciting, ladies?

Many women will insist that it was ever thus, and that the considerate New Man who cheerfully does the housework and changes nappies was always a mirage, a figment of the male imagination. There is truth in this.

The gender wars are full of wishful thinking and self-deception. In the meantime, I'm heading back to the electronic croft's darkened room, before getting in touch with my inner caveman. Again.

Sometimes it's hard to be a man.

mark this day: since "stealing" the jake gyllenhaal peg and posting it on the wall fronting my desk, i have decided to take him down. ha! goodbye, object of desire. :P bwahahaha. 

beautiful sunday

Yesterday, I spent time at Linny’s and omigosh there’s SO MUCH we learned about each other that over 2 years of cell never gave us the chance to discover. We talked about life, art, music, poetry (I kid you not!), even crushes. Hahaha. Eep. :P

She’s really such a BEAUTIFUL person, this Linny. It’s funny how she said when I met her it was during her “immature” days but I’ve always looked up to her. Immature? Highly unlikely.

She’s just taken another leap into the wonderful unknown, this time moving out and being on her own (hey, it rhymes!). Clap, clap. :) She’s loving every single minute of it. She's truly admirable. 

___________________
It surprises me how little I talk about my past life – carpool “princess” as Ling would say, dinnertime pianist – Linny’s favorite story (My family would eat while I played Les Miz or Andrew Lloyd Webber on the piano. Stop laughing. ALW was a PHASE! Sorry, George, but I’m getting me a Steinway soon as I can afford it), teetering alcoholic (My former on-again off-again boyfriend’s name was Jose Cuervo. Oh, such happy and usually forgotten times together.. All in the past, THANK GOD!), groupie/band-aid (or call it whatever you will),  screaming theater geek, angst-ridden wildchild, and of course, my infamous stint as the official “pornstar” of the unholy choir of St. James (although it really isn't as bad as it sounds).

Hmmm. Yeah, okay. THAT’S why I don’t talk about it. :P

I can actually write about the stupid things I’ve done in the past and feel NO SHAME because that is no longer who I am. :) Chalk it up to the stupidity of my youth. God has renewed me, renewed my life and made it BETTER THAN I EVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED.

I truly believe that God has always watched over me. If I hadn’t met Puffy.. If I hadn’t met Dee.. If I hadn’t met Reg.. If I hadn't gotten close to Allotte and Nica.. If I hadn’t met Zion, Ikit or Linny.. If I hadn’t started attending service, or cell.. If I hadn’t surrendered my life to God..

BUT I DID. And as Robert Frost eloquently put it:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

Praise God. :)

trip to the dentist

Following a 2-year hiatus from all things dental, my throbbing wisdom tooth finally forced a visit to my mom’s orthodontist.

A few things I learned from my trip to the dentist:

• It’s embarrassing to be 26 and just now have your wisdom teeth come out. Can you say late-bloomer?
  
• 
  
• For someone who hasn’t had a cleaning in 2 years (disgusting, I know.. I’ve been busy), my back teeth are in remarkably good condition.
  
• 
  
• Four years of braces, retainers, and multiple extractions have NOT given me a perfect set of pearly whites. To my credit, the dentist said that my teeth weren’t yellow at all – there had, in fact, been some orthodontic cement that was improperly cleaned. Ha!
  
• 
  
• For someone who gorges on lattes (both the coffee and tea kind), I had the uncanny ability to keep the caffeine stains only on the front part of my teeth. She suggests I take on energy drinks instead. Extra Joss, anyone?
  
• 
  
• Not even a molar can shut me up. HAHAHA. She actually said she was surprised I could open my mouth at all, given the swelling and infection. Hahahaha! I think someone would have to screw my mouth shut to keep it from opening.
  
• 
  
• It’s quite hard to answer questions that your dentist asks when her hands (and a bunch of dental equipment) are in your mouth. She was very, very nice about it and quite entertaining so I appreciated that anyway.
  

Apparently, you experience a certain amount of vulnerability when you come in for oral prophylaxis. You not only risk letting yourself “be known,” including all the stupid things you’ve done in the past like drink or smoke or whatever, but you also reveal parts of yourself that most others will never get to see (and I don’t just mean the gums and stuff). There’s so much you can learn from someone by witnessing their cleaning. Things like food preferences, hygienic practices, and social quirks to name a few. Now imagine what it feels like when you go to the gynecologist. ;)

"All I Can Do"

9 August 2006
10:27pm


"Be patient/Try harder/I'll help you in my own way/ See clearer/ Be happy/ Honey, it will be alright."

That's the chorus to Club 8’s All I Can Do.. Honestly, I think God was speaking to me when He put that song in my head earlier.

God is giving me a lesson in patience.

Lately, I've been reading and re-reading books like Captivating and Wild At Heart and nothing springs out from the pages more than Eve's role in the Fall. Eve falls because SHE DECIDES TO TAKE MATTERS INTO HER OWN HANDS. Otherwise, she never would have taken the apple to begin with.

Chiko is a control-freak. Chiko likes to take matters into her own hands. Chiko is a thriving independent young woman who revels in her self-sufficiency.

Chiko also needs to learn what it's like to NEED someone, to be VULNERABLE. Chiko needs to be rescued. But first, she must ALLOW herself to be rescued.

I was chatting with Reg earlier this morning and we were reminiscing about how we used to fight. A LOT:

Chiko: We used to fight A LOT. Hahaha.
Reg: I know. Why did we fight a lot ba?
Chiko: I don't know.. You always seemed to be so.. mean :P Like I never did anything right.. Even if I was genuinely trying to be nice.
Reg: Me?
Chiko: YEP. I know it was crazy for me to think we could be friends so soon.. But kasi it kinda worked with me and (you know who).. But still.. You guys are different and I shouldn't have expected the same reaction so my fault din.. And it was hard because we were pretty much in the same group
Reg: Hmmm... Maybe you were trying too hard... iI didn't have a chance to be 'nice' to you because you always were ahead of me.
Chiko: Aw.. I'm sorry.. I guess I never let you try..
Reg: No need to be sorry. It's all behind us now. We have something better.
Chiko: I know..

Right.

That's it. God's telling me: "Be patient/Try harder/I'll help you in my own way/ See clearer/ Be happy/ Honey, it will be alright."

I hear You loud and clear, Father. I will STOP trying to take matters into my own hands.

God has changed my heart for a reason. He placed this desire in my heart because He will fulfill His wonderful purpose for me. “The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me.. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 138:8, 139:14, 16) God's best, not mine. His way, not mine. His time, not mine.

"Be patient/Try harder/I'll help you in my own way/ See clearer/ Be happy/ Honey, it will be alright."

I WILL BE RESCUED. I know You will make everything beautiful in Your own time. Yes, everything will be alright.

___________________
Owww.. Wisdom tooth's growing. :(

apol and me descending the fire exit. pretty cool, huh? thanks to junie (who has a nice-smelling kilikili, by the way) for the pic ;) 

what the..?!?

Something must be wrong in the world when even a reputable news source such as CNN actually decides run a story on Paris Hilton deciding to go celibate alongside news of whatever bleak’s going on in Lebanon.

I am seriously APPALLED.

Can we report on nothing else? I doubt CNN alone’s to blame, especially since this kind of fodder seems to keep people amused. Still, I hardly think Paris Hilton qualifies as “positive news.”

See stupid article below (I haven’t read it):

Paris Hilton: I'm going celibate

'I'll kiss, but nothing else,' says heiress

Monday, August 7, 2006 Posted: 1733 GMT (0133 HKT)

LONDON, England (AP) -- Paris Hilton says she is sick of boyfriends and is celibate.

The 25-year-old who gained international fame when a former boyfriend posted a videotape of the couple having sex on the Internet denied leading a promiscuous lifestyle in an interview with the British edition of GQ magazine.

"I'm not having sex for a year. ... I'll kiss, but nothing else," says Hilton, who told the magazine she has had sex with only two men during her lifetime.

Of the videotape with Rick Solomon that became one of the most searched-for items on the Internet in 2003, she said: "I never received a dime from it. It's just dirty money and he should give it all to some charity for the sexually abused or something."

The Hilton Hotels heir and uber-socialite told the magazine she is "very shy" and relates to the late Princess Diana, who was hounded by photographers.

"I've been in cars trying to get away from speeding paparazzi before and it's horrible, so I can relate to Diana and the problems she had," Hilton is quoted as saying.

During the interview, Hilton also displayed some political illiteracy.

When asked about British Prime Minister Tony Blair, her response was: "Who? ... Oh, yeah, he's like your president. I don't know what he looks like."

Hilton also told the magazine she collects $500,000 in fees just to show up at parties and other events from Las Vegas to Tokyo. Her best-paying gig, she said, was a recent Austrian appearance.

"I had to say 'hi' and tell them why I loved Austria so much," she is quoted as saying.

And why does she like Austria? "Because they pay me $1 million to wave at crowds!"


Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

 

a newfound appreciation for facial hair.

I’m currently reading John Eldredge’s book Wild At Heart and finding it really.. ENLIGHTENING. It was the precursor to the book he wrote with his wife, Captivating. So why read the male version? Because it’s helping me understand men more (though I won’t pretend to ever fully KNOW them!) and, as Linny reminded me, there will always be men in my life – like my Dad, brother, nephews.. as well as the ex-boyfriends.

So I was reading his chapter on The Wound and came across a reference to the whole ‘goatee phenomenon.’ Seems like everywhere I go, some guy is sporting a goatee. My first boyfriend now has one, my second boyfriend’s had one for years, and even my new crush has one! Haha. I assure you this won’t help you pinpoint his ‘secret identity,’ as I’m keeping this one under lock and key. :P Besides, it seems as if EVERYONE’S WEARING ONE THESE DAYS!! I ran into a college friend a few weeks back and (ooh, big surprise!) he grew a goatee! Ano baaaa?!?! My officemate has a semi-goatee, when he’s too lazy to shave his beard. Ugh. I bet that if you check your Friendster, Multiply or MOG contacts most of the males have grown it.

Anyway, that little reference got me thinking. I mean, not that goatees are bad or anything but why on earth is everybody sporting chin pubes?! You want to know why? Because something about it makes them feel more.. Manly. Dangerous. Unpredictable. Wild. (And to women.. Sexy. I can sooo attest to this!) It used to irritate me that my ex grew one.. I kinda still think it doesn’t really suit his features, but I’m all for his new ‘manly’ vibe..

Well, I say, the world needs more MANLY men. Really. No, REALLY. And if a goatee is what it takes to make them feel more like men.. Who are we to argue? ;)

I will never look at goatees the same way again.

 

esse quam videri (to be rather than to appear)

I admit I usually get distracted easily, but no distraction has been more welcome that this morning’s “argument” with Nico about evolution. :) I can’t do justice by summarizing it.. So read the transcript if you like. I DARE you. :P


pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
did they teach evolution at assumption?
Chiko says:
barely.. just darwin
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
sigh. is there a similar intelligent design movement in the philippines?
Chiko says:
sorry.. was in a meeting. hahaha.. i'm not sure, sweetie..
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
ok good. i guess not then
Chiko says:
i do know people who prefer creationism over evolutionism but i personally prefer a good mix of both.
i don't think men were formed by accident but i don't think it was all a fluke of nature either. we were made with a purpose, and i believe we would've become ourselves eventually
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
sigh. that sounds like intelligent design
Chiko says:
really
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
yeah
Chiko says:
i don't completely buy into evolution as the reason for our existence kasi. i believe there's more to us than that.
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
sigh
Chiko says:
come on, nico.. even YOU have to believe there is more to life than science. after all, where do the arts come from? or beautiful music?
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
what does art have to do with evolution?
Chiko says:
because if it's all about math and sounds and all that.. what i'm saying is that there are a lot of things that point out to something far greater than just.. adapting to things
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
what makes you think art and music aren't adaptations to things?
Chiko says:
that's a very sad way of looking at life.. just adapting
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
just because we haven't changed in physical form doesn't mean we haven't evolved. sad? i think its the complete opposite in fact!
Chiko says:
don't you feel we have a greater purpose in life than just evolving
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
isn't it even more astounding that the chiko that you are today, is built on the lives of all your ancestors from long ago?
Chiko says:
we stand on the shoulders of the giants.. where was that from?
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
newton said that
Chiko says:
yes, it's fascinating..
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
but that was in reference to his accomplishments, not evolution
Chiko says:
but did you ever wonder why we evolve? or why we change or why we began to change?
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i think people who have trouble with evolution don't understand the difference between fact and truth
Chiko says:
hahaha..
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
evolution is fact, religion is truth. truth is personal, fact is universal
Chiko says:
but even you have to admit that everything can pretty much be disproven, that facts can change, because things, ideas also evolve
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
why do we need a purpose? and just because there isn't a "purpose" laid out for us, that doesn't mean we have to live our lives without morals. true, facts can be disproven
Chiko says:
morals don't have anything to do with purpose
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
but nothing has disproven evolution so far, just as nothing has disproven gravity so far
Chiko says:
you can be moral but not have purpose or have a purpose but not be moral
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
science makes the allowance for future knowledge, religion doesn’t
Chiko says:
so far.. but you'll never know.. hey, i happen to love science. my great grandfather was a scientist
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
all of biology only makes sense under the light of evolution
Chiko says:
like i said, i believe that we've evolved as beings.. but to isolate it like there's nothing beyond that.. i have trouble accepting that because like it or not, biological beings or not, there is more that our physical nature, more to us than brain signals and neurological impulses, more to us than reactions
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i disagree. and i don’t see why we should be saddened by the reality. in fact, it's even more astounding. i think the problem people have with evolution is not that it "disproves" god,
but that it disproves that man is spiritually elevated, divinely favored, that we have special status in the eyes of god and on earth
Chiko says:
that's creationism, sweetie
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
no, intelligent design is basically the same thing. in fact, its even worse because it masquerades as a science
Chiko says:
i don't think evolution disproves God either..
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
ID is just saying that the complexity of biology cannot be explained by random events, but that there was an intelligent designer behind it. call the designer god or what have you. same banana
Chiko says:
hahaha. i just really think there's more to existing than biology, is all
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
there is. but that doesn’t mean that biology did not give rise to us
Chiko says:
and not everything can be explained by science
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
religion explains things by telling you to believe it or else. that it just is that it will always be
Chiko says:
i believe in science but we were also taught that even scientists must be able to admit that there are things we cannot fully know
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
there are things that we don’t know yet
Chiko says:
we took up philosophy of religion in ateneo
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
science is about asking questions and discovering answers
Chiko says:
a lot of it has to do with society, and how people tend to cope. remember pascal's wager?
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
yes
Chiko says:
it's like that for both of us..
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
but that has nothing to do with evolution
Chiko says:
we don't both know the answer, right? i could be mistaken or so could you. we'll never know
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i would say that my answer is more likely to be correct because its based on evidence
and not conjecture
Chiko says:
on a scientific approach. but how do you validate your facts when science itself dictates what is fact and what isn't?
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
science is not a bureaucracy, its a way of thinking
Chiko says:
empirical data.. isn't that based what scientists said? exactly..
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
yes
Chiko says:
so how sure are you that your way of thinking wasn't influenced by something else
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
empirical meaning it can be observed, tested, and replicated. because before it can be proven,
Chiko says:
yes.. and by what measure do you observe, test and replicate?
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
it has to be done over and over again. reliably.
Chiko says:
using criteria that science has chosen
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
and you propose that science be approached from a philosophical perspective? from a religious perspective?
Chiko says:
hahaha. what i'm saying is.. it should matter to you if the perspective you choose is one of science. i'm not choosing that perspective so to me, it's flawed. just like my perspective looks flawed to you
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i'm wondering because perspectives not based on fact will often lead to fundamentalism
Chiko says:
see? you can't isolate it
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
the beauty of science is that we are trying. unlike religion which has already decided that it and it alone is right
Chiko says:
yes, to understand life.. right
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
not understand but discover
Chiko says:
but religion is also trying to understand, or discover, life but in its own way. same as philosophy
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
not life. the abstract. but not fact
Chiko says:
fact as science validates it as fact
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
fact as everyone who understands logic validates it as fact
Chiko says:
hahaha.
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
isn’t that what science is anyway? logic. thinking. rational thought
Chiko says:
some philosophers would disagree with you. but that shouldn't matter because you won't consider that as fact
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
they are subjective
Chiko says:
just free thinking or a mental exercise
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
not based on physical evidence. no substance
Chiko says:
can you say that ALL of science is objective?
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
all of science should be objective
Chiko says:
physical evidence as science dictates it. but not always
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
if its not objective, its not science
Chiko says:
because facts can be disproven
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
then its bad science
Chiko says:
you just change the measure
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
yes they can. thats what great about it. what? 2.2 lbs of feathers is the same as a kilo of feathers.
i didnt want to get in this discussion, really
Chiko says:
hahaha. i didn't mean metrics.. i meant the tools you use to establish facts
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i wont say that i am saddened that you feel the way you do, that i am not i mean
Chiko says:
i don't think you're mean
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i'm not. science should be taught better in the philippines, we were hardly taught evolution at xavier
Chiko says:
no, you're not. and it's admirable that you're passionate about science.. and you believe what you do. because xavier is a catholic school
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
science doesn’t interfere with religion
Chiko says:
exactly
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
it is religion that has a problem with science. because science doesn’t say what it wants it to say
Chiko says:
that's why i'm for giving people knowledge and having them decide what to do with it.
that's generalizing
also because, the same can be said in reverse
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i’m not following your logic
Chiko says:
generalizing = it is religion that has a problem with science because science doesn’t say what it wants it to say
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
when has science ever said that god does not exist? never, because science doesn't care.
when has religion said that facts are forbidden? that the pursuit of knowledge should be impeded? countless times
Chiko says:
and do you expect many religious to care about science? they just care about what they eat, where they sleep, etc.. but that doesn't mean that it's not at the back of their minds. science is important. and so is religion
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
ok
Chiko says:
no one ever said anything about knowledge being wrong
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
anymore and I’m gonna burst a blood vessel
Chiko says:
hahahaha
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
this is why i need to read more dawkins
Chiko says:
dawkins?
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
richard dawkins. an evolutionary biologist
Chiko says:
ah..
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
most of his life’s work was to champion evolution in the popular press
Chiko says:
i had fun arguing with you..
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i am not as eloquent as he
Chiko says:
you're doing a good job, sweetie..
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i will get you a copy of the blind watchmaker
Chiko says:
what's it about
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
to those who think that there's an intelligent designer behind all of life, dawkins argues that he is blind, that life arose from random events, which is why so many times things fail, but enough happens that life goes on.
did you know that 50% of pregnancies spontaneously abort 2 weeks after fertilization? enough time for the prospective mother to not even notice that she was pregnant in the first place
Chiko says:
hahaha. i can argue with you on that.. from a religious perspective.. but you might have a heart attack
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
i will. and then i fear i would forget myself and eat you. so lets not go there. at least, not tonight
Chiko says:
hahaha. okay then
pocampo@learnlink.emory.edu says:
good night ms. fancy pants
Chiko says:
hahaha. goodnight, scientist



 

my nature boy (a short story in 4 pictures)

As inspired by the beautiful song, Nature Boy:

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

Unfortunately, for our hero, happy endings are not usually my style. ;) Bwahahaha.

Once, there was a Boy. 

Boy sees Girl. 

Girl and Boy fight.  

Boy bites the dust. 

on random acts of kindness.

Isn't it amazing how sometimes seemingly inconsequential, random acts of kindness can leave everlasting impressions to the people who receive them? (Of course, just as disturbing, are the anti-thesis of these kindnesses that can scar people for life - some of which we are oblivious till the end.) Admittedly, it does no good to dwell on the shortcomings of others, intentional or not, and it is a far better thing to acknowledge the kindnesses that are done on your behalf.

____________________
Last Saturday, I was TIRED. Not just tired, mind you, but WEARY. I was stressed to the core for all of last week - my calendar looked more like a checkerboard than a schedule. Meeting after meeting, drive after drive. Take Wednesday, for example. Oh-so-proud of arriving early for a meeting with our new ad agency, my joy was yanked from beneath with the revelation that the meeting was indeed set for THE NEXT DAY. Forget the embarrassment of trudging back to the office and admitting your temporary loss of sanity. It seemed as if I were a zombie moving about unfamiliar territory, plowing through everything that came my way.

Of course, my busy schedule was not just about work. I had committed to a lot of things, all of them VERY WILLINGLY. It was just that all these commitments had collided into one another, leaving me with little room to breathe. The consolation is that God does not test your endurance without equipping you for it, whether it means bringing people into your life unexpectedly to provide you company or offering words encouragement from those you least expect it.

That being said, I would like to share my utmost appreciation of the following people who have touched my heart through their random acts of kindness:

The AC Chorale (past and present)
- For teaching me the very meaning of The Human Heart.

"The ones who came before you,
  The others yet to come,
  And those who you will teach it to,
  And those you learn them from.."

 
- It is wonderful to see the fruit of Tina's passion and dedication to Chorale. That's 19 years going on 20, mind you. Seated in my former high school, staring at one another through rows of desks, it really doesn't matter how long you've been gone or how long you've stayed. The point is that we all still "blend together" quite well.

Marj
- Marj is slowly turning into my Saturday afternoon buddy! Two weeks in a row we've been bonding at ENLI. We're now even in the same Kids Church team. She is an unexpected blessing, a friend who can empathize on the complexity of "crushes," and a refreshing companion during a rainy afternoon.

Team 3
- Special mention goes to Kathy, Richard, Vivian and Alfred. It's always a blessing to be around "big kids" who love "little kids." Plus, they also showed me that dancing can be far more effective than caffeine. ;)

Jose
- My favorite worship leader. :) I felt a little guilty about being so.. "zombie-like" during practice and was kind of hoping he wouldn't be so disappointed. Instead, he was super nice to me, even asked if I was okay, and gave words of encouragement that stayed with me throughout the day. I desperately needed to be reminded "That's what God's grace is for. You'll be okay." He probably didn't think much of it, but I will be forever grateful for that. It was like an adrenaline shot to the heart.

Binky and Nica
- When you and your girlfriends have been through thick and thin, and life makes being with them a little inaccessible, it's easy to forget the comfort of being in their presence. Sure, we're all quite different - Binky being in med school, Nica pursuing theater full-time and me the corporate-slave - but those things don't really matter because at the end of the day you will always find solace in each other.

So you see it didn't really matter that I slept at 1:30am, woke up at 2:30, tossed and turned inexplicably until 4:30, woke up again at 6:15, went to work at 7am, practice at 10am, meeting at 4pm, 5pm orientation and dinner at 7pm. Because you know what? Those encounters made everything worth it. Sometimes, it's really not about the things you do. It's the people you are with that make everything worthwhile.

___________________
Adding to the list of people I am thankful for..

Is my Reg. :)

Reg helped answer a question I’ve been asking for nearly a week now. The question was, of course, “God, how do I know I’m beautiful.. I know You think I’m beautiful but how do I know I’m beautiful?”

Sometimes, even when we’re so secure that God thinks the world of us, the superficiality of our nature gets the best of us. The past week I’ve been feeling awkward, like I wasn’t pretty enough, not worthy of being admired, not beautiful.. But in retrospect, God’s been speaking out to me through other people. Four of them, to be exact.

from someone I used to have a tiny crush on:

"You are inspiring. I am so happy and proud of you. And if you need a goatee, you know who to call. Hehehe. Goodnight."

from someone who I've been running into a lot it's quite strange:

"Sexy!" (which of course I find slightly offensive, but hey it’s a compliment too!)

from someone I truly admire:

(after hearing me say "But I feel ugly!") No. You’re not.

And my favorite..

from Reg: YOU ARE ONE BEAUTIFUL PERSON and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I'm so blessed to be part of your life. You are one friend who has shown me what love and forgiveness means and because of that, I am a better person.

Question answered. I can stop now.